Exodus

Before I wrote this final application I had a dream. A crazy dream about my entire life. It was about where I lived growing up, who my friends were in middle school, the choices I made in high school, all the vacations I had with my family, what kind of music I listened to, things my teachers said in school, and the most significant thing of all was my dream brought back my thoughts and emotions and feelings about all these things.

 When I woke up from my dream, my mind hit...overload. There were so many things from my childhood; good experiences and bad experiences I hadn't thought about in ages. And I asked God, why did you show me all this? He reminded me, It's good to look back.

Looking back at old mistakes makes you wiser. And looking back at old accomplishments makes you proud.

  I'm not sure how many people can relate to this, but sometimes I feel like I have messed up my canvas of life so much that I want another piece of paper; a restart. I like going to new places and meet new people because i think, "maybe I'll get it right this time and the woman will come out that I finally would want to be and the old girl can just fade to the back. But my dream really made me think. I realized I couldn't forget who I used to be--my past shaped me into the person I am today. Some of my past is beautiful; it made me a kind, loving girl. While some of my past, I continually fight. I hate how it made me shy and uncomfortable and hurtful to people. I have to remember those things will always be there and I can't truly avoid them, even if I try.

 Then I realized this was a great parallel to the book of Exodus...

  After reading the book of Exodus and observing how God brought the Israelites out of their slavery; how God wanted them to be a priestly nation; how the Israelites grumbled and had no trust in God AND didn't keep his commands (they had a lot to figure out and they were learning the hard way); I noticed through all those events, God still forgave them and continually tried to show them how to completely trust in God's provision. But, I would like to note,There was a point in which God was willing to give up on the Israelites and wipe them out completely (kinda like the times I want to press restart on my life and start over fresh). But God didn't.

*Bah!! Why didn't God just give up? Then I would have an excuse to do the same thing!! Geesh God...*

 When Israel messed up by worshiping the golden calf, they completely abused the covenant they just made with God (not making a graven image). So, God had every right to obliterate those idiots. (He really did, they just made a crazy blood covenant where Moses splattered blood on everybody; how nasty is that?) But anyways, God getting rid of the Israelites and starting over with Moses would go against the character of God. You see, God is making a statement in Exodus that he is with those people for the long hall.  Even though the Israelites screwed up big time, forgiving them was more important because God still had big plans for their nation. (you know, conquoring the Canaanites and all)

And it's a good thing Exodus was written down so they could look back and remember their past! The good and the bad.

 So now i'm making that statement with my life; no matter how many times I screw up, I can't forget my past, I'm sticking with God as my guide for the long hall. And like Moses, my deep relationship with God will help me get through. Ya, I know. I have no clue how weighty that statement just was but I said it anyways. It's sorta like the covenant they made with God way back in Exodus;)